I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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