I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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