Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
