Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
