Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
