I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
