Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
