maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
