im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i've created a new STD.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
