I could have mohawked her pubes.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
