drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
