I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
