pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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