why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Can't talk, ducks in the car
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
