i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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