the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
