remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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