Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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