don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I understand Curling. That high.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Randomize
