Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
