I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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