brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
