Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
