Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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