the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
