i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
