So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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