No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
