I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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