never play flip cup with pint glasses
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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