So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
