omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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