the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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