she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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