Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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