Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
