We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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