and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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