We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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