I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
