Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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