I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
