do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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