ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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