He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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