Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
