I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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