there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
