omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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