I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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