I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
