I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Your penis caused this!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
