i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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