you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
