Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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