I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm getting married
To pizza
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
