He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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