I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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