OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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