I didn't shave. On purpose
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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