I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
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this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
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Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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