I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize