The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
