It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
