the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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