I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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