She's JV to your varsity
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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