Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We have started to decorate penises.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
