Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
