you guys were way drunker than both of me
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
