There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
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