I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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