I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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