my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
