People in love make me want to vomit
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize