I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize