If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
