I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
