Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
