sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
